let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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