im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
