Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
