I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
