sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
