I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
