I cockslap morals
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize