My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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