i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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