Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
