he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
