your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize