Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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