He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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