I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
