They should really pass out barf bags in church
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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