Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize