On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
