You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
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