his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
