yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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