Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
It's shark week go big or go home
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
