After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I cut my penus on the lid.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize