It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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