How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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