so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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