Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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