She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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