By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
