I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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