so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
