took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
