i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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