When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
