You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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