last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Still dying that you shit outside
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
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