so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
