if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
that's an acceptable place to lick
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
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