Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I'm having to shit out rocks
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
