my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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