no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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