Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
