We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize