Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
