I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
