I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
