i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize