a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
soo... how was my night?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
