You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
