Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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