tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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