Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize