dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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