Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Randomize
