I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
that's an acceptable place to lick
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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