i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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