Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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