how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
