I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize