Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
