I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
