Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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