dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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