The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
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