I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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