I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
