And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Randomize
