haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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