hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
