I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
