that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
