Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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