Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
You are a genius and a whore.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
