All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
