I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
