And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
