I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
