If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Randomize
