Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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