So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
You dont lie about slip and slides
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I need to calm my uterus...
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize