**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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