I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
