I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Naked. naked and bneed help.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize