hell yes lets make some ravioli
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Semen is not good for contacts.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
