Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
