She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
