You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
