You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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