i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
