when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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