So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Randomize
