Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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