Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
two words...techno handjob
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
