How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I still have a little drunk in my system
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
