also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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