NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
