im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
jump out the window naked night went bad
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