if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Randomize
