I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
We left the knife in your bed.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
