I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
