Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
