Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
