oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
