My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
