Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
