Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
