At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
