I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
