I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Randomize
