My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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