Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
