Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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